Perception is a funny thing.

Thanks for checking up on me while I've been missing in action. Very sweet of you and perks me up immensely. I've been struggling a bit since my return from holiday. My weight was down when we got home then has gone up, down and all over the place (in only very small amounts) over the past 5 weeks. My attitude has been the main problem along with a few hormonal spanners thrown in the works. I've really been struggling to follow the Weight Watchers Point System. I've felt really rebellious, burnt out and fed up with the whole thing. So....I've spent the past couple of weeks mulling this over in my personal journal, while taking walks through the trees, while digging in the garden or washing my hair. You know how it is.

I realised that I am a bit burnt out. When I first fell ill in 2000 I started educating myself about nutrition as medicine. First for general health and enhancing immune function and then after I developed cancer I focussed on foods that help with this disease. I made big changes and little changes, tried this and that but was always thinking about food and nutrition and all the while during this time my weight was going up. So I joined Weight Watchers and started learning again, having to change things again and I think I was just over it. I've been sick and tired of having to think about what I eat. I also had a bit of an attitude problem with Weight Watchers focus predominantly on points rather than the nutritional value of food. I think the points should be weighted in a way that encourages people to eat for nutrition first and all of the highly processed, sugary bars and the like should have higher points. They might be really seen as treats then as opposed to a viable daily food option. Off high horse now.

So what have I done about it? Interestingly, just realising why I was struggling took the pressure off and refocussed me. I just needed to suck it up and do what needs doing in this next stage of getting healthy. I dug out some information on the old core plan (which is closer to my natural way of eating) and have monitored my eating by eating to my appetite, eating mindfully and eating good, unprocessed nutritious foods. As a result I feel better, eating feels less of a chore and more natural and I've lost weight consistently. I'm also back on my supplements (which I went off as they made up 1/4 of my daily points allowance) and feel better for it. Since I'm still losing weight I'll continue to take them. Even though I've struggled mentally, I kept going to meetings and weighing in. I quite like it actually. Meetings are a little outing for me during the week and the group is really great. Combine that with a lovely leader and things are still good on that front.

Another thing I've noticed during this time away, is how our perception of our bodies changes. As I went up the scale 84kgs was huge and I felt dreadfully bloated and uncomfortable. Coming back down the scale 84kgs feels light, movement feels easier and I feel 'slim' at times. I'm sure that I look different to myself as well. On the way up the scale I would have been noticing where fat had suddenly appeared, where I looked puffier and more pudgy. Now I notice how slim I look just above my waist and how I can see more of my collar bones. Perception is a funny thing.

How do you see yourself? Does it change in unexpected ways?