A new beginning

For many years now I've been living with and juggling some serious health issues. They range from autoimmune disease to cancer and have not only had a huge physical effect on my life, they've impacted my spirit in a big way too. I've had lots of beginnings in the past 12 years or so. Being able to climb stairs again. Getting enough strength back in my hands to be able to open a milk bottle on my own. Being diagnosed with another 'something new' and beginning the path to either healing or learning how to live with yet another condition. In the process relationships have faltered and failed, some quite painfully. Others have grown and adjusted, becoming richer. New, wonderful friends have entered my life too and for this I am truly grateful.

I've stacked on the weight as a combined result of health issues, treatments, inability to exercise for long periods, changed eating habits and I suppose feeding my flayed emotions. Recently, I was once again diagnosed with another 'something new' and while feeling raw and emotional I said, "Enough!". I may not be able to control the fact that I have disease x or y; I have no control over the poor behaviour or choices of others, but I can control my weight. It may not be easy but I need to be in control of something in my life other than my attitude!

I have decided to follow a number of paths to lose weight and gain back the best health available to me. I've joined Weight Watchers with a friend and have been on the programme for 4 days now. I have decided to really deal with the emotional baggage of the past decade with lots of journal writing. Journal writing has been my companion for 20 years or more now and it is the most extraordinary gift to give oneself. Now it's time to write deeper and I've hunted down some resources to guide me in this. I'll discuss these in future posts. A BIG, HUGE thing I also need to do is to declutter my life. I've held onto everything from my teaching career, a career I'll not be going back to. I think I'm done grieving it's loss so it's time to empty my physical environment of constant reminders of a part of my life that no longer serves me. I'll keep a small number of special things and items I can use with the little people in my life, the rest can go. Hopefully shedding weight and physical clutter will create some extra room for healing to flow into my life.

So,here I am in Belladonna's garden where the dark and light of life live in perfect balance to make something beautiful. A place where it is possible to weed out the things that no longer serve you or create new and wonderful things for yourself out of your growth, heart's wishes and the toil of your own two hands. I plan to create something wonderful and worthy of my heart.