Reflections on how I got here

I've put a lot of thought into how I managed to gain 30 plus kilos. I thought about it while gaining. I thought about it while preparing myself to do something about it. I continue to think about it while putting things into action and finally losing. Fortunately all of this mental ruminating has brought me greater clarity and with greater clarity comes greater control. Contributing medical conditions and treatments aside I've come up with the following so far.

• Starting life with my husband saw my food habits change. We ate out more often, my portion sizes slowly increased (particularly if Jeff served). Foods that were seldom in my home as a single person suddenly became normal to have around as Jeff enjoyed them. I of course ate them because they were there - not lots but all of this added up. Not blaming my sweetie here, just observing!
  
• Stress - oh my, was I under a LOT of stress in the first years of our relationship - work and other life circumstances, not the relationship. Stress creates physical changes in the body, raising cortisol which creates cravings, stress eating and belly fat. Oh enter the belly fat. I'd always gained weight around my bum and boobs but suddenly I developed a belly.
  
• Around this time my mobility and ability to exercise was compromised by health issues. So, my food intake was going up and my movement was taking a monumental nosedive. I realise now that the fact that I had always been active and exercised controlled my weight. Yes, I generally ate well, but 'treats' and any transgressions weren't noticeable because I moved enough to make up for it. I also realise that I used my exercise to deal with stress in my life. Suddenly, I had lost the ability to move and my main avenue for dealing with stress, emotional upsets etc.
  
• As my health deteriorated and my fatigue grew I think that I started to eat for energy. My mind was in a fog and I remember waking from afternoon naps and eating before even fully awake. Didn't work. I was still tired and just got fatter. I was also nauseous most of the time and now remember that I used to buy boxes of Jatz biscuits or Salada and I'd nibble on them to ease my tummy. I'm sure that all of this added up too.
• As my health deteriorated so did some of my food choices. Because I was not well enough to spend 5 minutes making my usual salad for lunch, I'd have a peanut butter or vegemite sandwich. I ate like this with greater frequency and my sick body needed nutrients desperately. Maximum nutrition was essential and I didn't have the energy to deal with it all the time. Bread also made me tired which made things worse.
• Since joining Weight Watchers I realised that the oil based supplements I was taking added up to a quarter of my daily points intake. How CRAZY is that! Needless to say I've made some changes there.
  
• The "Latte Effect". Living with fatigue and burnt out adrenal glands, and a coffee loving husband what did I do.....increased my coffee intake. All my coffee is milk based so that upped my daily intake of calories too. I've made changes there too (it's been easy, I'm not addicted and have had no headaches etc as a result).

All of these little behaviours that can quite insidiously enter your life and combine with health issues to create such a huge change to your weight, your health and wellbeing. Because the majority of my food choices were good - fruits, vegetables, salads and balanced meals - I found it bemusing that I was putting on so much weight and struggling so hard with it. I think I kept looking at the fact that I didn't binge or eat large amounts of junk. Portion size changes, extra treats, less activity slip under the radar and have a big impact. I've had to learn new ways of dealing with stress and emotions that didn't rely on me getting out and going for a walk. Thank goodness I was already committed to journaling, where would I have been without that?

Do you know what has contributed to your weight gain or are you as lost as I was? Have you found that understanding gives you greater control? What do you struggle with?

I've nearly finished reading "The Stress Eater Diet" (I confess to getting sidetracked by...many other books) and will endeavour to get the review out to you over the weekend. Sorry for those who've been waiting.

Today was weigh in day. I'm down another kilo which is a total loss of 4.1 and a current weight of 86.1. Only 500grams to go and I reach my 5% goal so if all goes well I should achieve that next week. Woohoo!

Hope all is well in your world everyone. You ladies out there in Blogland are a constant source of inspiration. Thank you.