Missing in Action

My journey to wellbeing has been nothing if not interesting.  It reminds me of a muddled ball of yarn where finding your way requires bobbing up and down, twisting, turning, retracing your steps and sitting in perplexed confusion over the whole thing before you. I am currently in hospital with pneumonia. I've now been here 4 days and was ill for a few days before. For some reason I am quite shocked to find myself in this position.  Pneumonia wasn't even on my radar I suppose.  How can I be sick again? Oh well, I'm in the right place to deal with it and am receiving excellent medical care and feel very relaxed and comfortable here which has to help.

Don't know when I'll next have much to post as I am not often on the computer here in hospital and really don't feel particularly inspired to say much.  Will get back to it once I get well and home.  On a positive note, I now know I'm allergic to penicillin......

Thank you to Stacia for posting this series of wonderful YouTube videos on weight loss on her blog. They were done by the BBC and well worth sharing so I've decided to include them over here in Belladonna's Garden.  It's also an easy way for me to rewatch them! :) I hope that you can take the time to watch them and that they are of interest and use to you.

Progress

I've been struggling with motivation and focus, as you well know, and today I came upon these two pictures. Not the greatest collage assembly but it gives me a look. On the right I am attending a friends wedding in 2007. I am at my heaviest. The photo on the left was taken earlier this year and for once I can actually SEE that I have actually lost weight. I also think about how I felt in these two photos. In the photo at right I felt awful. I had a very poor level of wellbeing, was suffering from really bad fatigue and I was in pain all the time. Everything was a monumental effort and it took me months to recover from going to this wedding. Looking at the photo at left I see someone who is out being active, has thinned down and although I still struggle with the same medical conditions, my general wellbeing is MUCH improved. I needed to see this. It shows me how easy it is to really lose sight of what we've achieved and how we've progressed particularly when it doesn't fit in with the expectations we have or the pictures in our head of 'what should be.'  My progress may be slow but it is happening.

What's on my plate

I keep forgetting to record what I'm eating.  I started this blog as a way of keeping track of my journey and keep forgetting to include my food intake and a more detailed account of my exercise.  I want to be able to look back on it as a resource, a place where I can see what worked, what didn't, when I struggled, what I found easy.  Anyway, the above is my lunch which consisted of a small amount of chicken breast in cajun seasoning, lettuce, tomato and my homemade mango salsa, all in a wholemeal wrap and washed down with a small banana smoothie. The smoothie was made with 1/2 banana, skim milk and a dollop of greek yoghurt.  Yummo!

In the interests of being backwards (and not being bothered fiddling with the order of my images), here is what went on for breakfast.... I had steel cut oats - seen on right in the following image.  Basically it is the form the oats take before Uncle Toby's and other companies get their hands on them and process them until they look like the more common oats in the bowl at left.  I tried the steel cut after reading that they were higher in fibre, beneficial oils and had greater health benefits than 'regular' oats.  I quite like them although they take longer to cook.  I soak them overnight in water with a bit of keffir in it and then cook it on the stove when I'm ready for it the next morning. The steel cut oats have a nuttier taste and are not as fluffy as regular oats once cooked. 

I eat the oats with about a tablespoon of maple syrup (or maple flavoured syrup in this case), about 4 nuts cut up - usually walnuts or pecans. They provide good essential oils and extra protein to the meal. I then lightly sprinkle with cinnamon.  No, I've not forgotten milk. I eat it without and it's fine.

My weight is still coming off oh-so-slowly, at a rate that matches my thyroid and my motivation I suppose.  I've been really happy with how I've been exercising daily and eating well 90% of the time with NO MOTIVATION. None, zip, nada.  I've tried to have the mind set that I eat well and exercise daily simply because that's what I do. I'm not making good food choices, using healthy eating habits and exercising because I want to lose weight, because I'm dieting or any other reason other than the fact that this is the standard of behaviour I've set for myself.  I want these behaviours to be habits like cleaning my teeth - it's just what I do regardless of whether or not I'm motivated or happy or have the energy. I do the Nike and JUST DO IT.  This is how I thought and lived my life pre-illness and I've sort of been back in that zone these past few weeks. I've stopped focussing on Weight Watchers points, what I should be doing, overthinking and have just got in and taken action.  I'm not deluding myself into thinking that I've suddenly mastered all of my problems but if I can continue like this and string successful days, weeks and months together I really feel like I'll be heading back into familiar territory.  Territory where I existed as a healthy, fit, active person with healthy eating habits and control over my weight.  It's been a long time since I lived in that place but at least I can now see it in the distance again.

I think I'm coping much better and being more consistent because my thyroid medication is 'right' at present.  I've been on my new dosage for about 4 weeks now and I'm actually feeling rather well. Finger's crossed I continue to chuff along feeling so good and DON'T spin into hyperthyroidism again (as I usually do when medicated with thyroxine).  If I can maintain this level of wellbeing I really feel that I can make some significant steps towards reclaiming much of the lifestyle I was forced to leave behind 12 years ago (God has it been that long?), not to mention the aspects of myself  such as my vibrancy and bubbly nature which faded to nothingness during this time. They'll be friends well met when I am reunited with them again.

Breathing

Breathing is a good thing and something I find that I'm rather quite fond of.  Why this sudden revelation?  Because I stopped breathing last night in my sleep. It was a super nasty experience and I'd rather not go there again. I woke gasping, fuzzy headed and a bit befuddled.  My hope had been that the weight I've lost would have helped my sleep apnoea but it seems not. I had rolled onto my back and obviously just forgot to breathe.  I was then scared to go back to sleep.  Horrible and an incentive to keep my eye on the goal of losing. 

To further disturb my sleep I had an onset of restless legs which soon replace my fear of not breathing with a bit of  a cranky pants mood.  I've not had trouble with restless legs for quite a long time now and am wondering if it is a result of all the walking that I've done this week.  As a child I would always have restless legs after heavy gymnastics or other sporting/active sessions.  I remember telling my Mum that it felt like I had maggots in my legs. Pretty gross but that's a pretty good discription for the unceasing, disturbing sensation that you experience.

Maybe I should have called this blog post 'bitching' instead of 'breathing'.....

I've Come a LOOOONG Way..... Counting Steps

I recently purchased  this lovely new pedometer watch. I was sick of my regular pedometer making suicidal leaps towards the toilet or unclipping itself and swinging crazily from my waist band.  I also wear dresses on a semi regular basis and you can't wear a pedometer at your waist with a dress.  So far I'm really happy with how this nifty little device is performing. It's easy to use, never attempts to swim in the loo, never falls off, gets knocked etc.  My particular pedometer watch is a Techo40 Accelerometer purchased at the wonderful Walking With Attitude.

At the height of my illness 1000 steps was an absolute push for me and would result in heart palpitations, exhaustion and sometimes would see me semi-bed ridden for days on end.  When I recall that, I realise just how far I've come, and my frustration with what I still can't do fades.  This week I am averaging 11 500 steps a day with the need for only one afternoon sleep. Generally I feel quite well so that is BRILLIANT.  My steps consist of incidental movement throughout the day and an intentional walk each afternoon. Due to the smelly demise, (gag) of a poor carpet snake on my usual walk I've discovered, with the help of a dear neighbour (thanks Di), a lovely new and longer walk.  I head in the opposite direction to the gag inducing carpet snake, past the very vocal 'guard dogs' down the road and cut through a little easement into a new estate where once grew macadamias and pineapples.  It's a lovely walk away from cars, in semi bushland yet with enough houses and activity for personal safety. Yesterday I passed kangaroos feeding in the lovely shade of a park and regretted not bringing my camera.  This is the little easement into the new estate.  I love it through here, it's always so cool and quiet.

My goal for the next week is to keep tracking my steps and work towards consistently achieving 10 000 steps per day.  My long term goal is to work up to 15 000 steps per day and I think that will be achievable for me.  My biggest goal is to NOT get overexcited by my progress and overdo it  - who me? Never!!

I'll let you know how I go!  If anyone does use walking as their main form of exercise and is looking for ways to keep it interesting I can highly recommend Walking With Attitude as a source to investigate. They have fun virtual walking programmes including programmes for increasing your fitness etc.  I get no kickbacks from them, I've just used their site in the past and quite enjoyed it for a change.

More later...

Riding along...

We've had very little sunshine and few days without rain of late, it's made exercising out and about more difficult and far less appealing. Suffering from a bad case of cabin fever we headed out between showers recently to enjoy a companionable cycle together along the coast.  Our sea and sky is usually clear and wonderful shades of blues and greens but we are becoming more used to gray skies and darker gray waters.  Rather like those I've often seen in the UK and Pacific North-West of the US. Anyhooo, we rode up and over the headland along a cycle track and although I puffed and wheezed I made it without stopping and getting off which is great. Jeff of course was very at ease on the bike and struggled not  a bit.  We rode down the other side of the headland - weeeeeee - and came to the Mooloolaba rock wall. It was very busy with people taking advantage of the dry spells between showers. Halfway back along the wall we came across the fellow in the photo at bottom right. A carpet python.  I was surprised to see him there as I don't equate carpet snakes and the beach. There was heavy bush on the other side of the path so he was probably just out for a spot of warmth after all the cool rain. That or he'd taken up fishing.