Hmmmm, the small start....

Well after a phone call from my doctor late last week, I shall stop beating myself up for feeling too tired and unwell to exercise and having only achieved 15 minute walks on the treadmill.  You see, not only do I have Barmah Forest virus (nasty mosquito borne disease), but I have had glandular fever as well.  Oh dear.  No wonder life's been a bit of a struggle.  Still walking 15 minutes on the treadmill now that  I'm on the recovery end of the glandular fever.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BODY!!!  Too much illness. Crazy.

A better day

I had the best day I've had in awhile today.  My pain level is way down and my energy levels don't suck. My energy crashed for about 3 hours this afternoon but I didn't need to sleep and I'd been quite busy around the house. I've been struggling to cope with basic stuff around the house for more than a month now so it was good to be able to put some neglected things away, throw some washing on, and do a bit of a tidy and my Flylady morning routine. I wanted to keep going but made myself stop so I don't go backwards and fall in a heap.  I'm going to hop on the treadmill for another slow 15 minutes shortly and then we'll see how I pull up tomorrow. I am hoping for another good day. Fingers crossed.

Edited to add: Walk went ok.  First 10 minutes my body ached and screamed at me and I felt wobbly -as in unsteady on my feet - not referring to wobbling fat :) The final 5 minutes felt fantastic and my energy was much better during this time than it has been all day I think.  It's 20 mins post walk and I still feel good. 

A Small Start

After being nudged along by Fleur's comment,  I have managed to do 15minutes on the treadmill. It was very slow, but I did it. I waited until I'd been off bed rest for a few days and then gave myself a rest day afterwards.  That means today is another 15 minutes on the treadmill. We'll see how I pull up.  Felt much better this morning but have crashed this afternoon.  Should have walked in the morning!!  I wonder if there are any other people out there trying to lose weight while simultaneously dealing with serious and inconveniently limiting health conditions?  It's a hard slog people and creates a bit of a different experience to losing weight as an otherwise healthy person.  Nothing to do but keep getting up and moving forward.  Oh, weighed in recently at 85.6kgs.  I'm going to set myself a goal of being able to exercise consistently again and I'm going to focus on losing 9kgs (20pounds) as inspired by Dawne. Even if it takes me 9 years I will lose it!

A little nudge

I've been thinking lately that I really should start posting here again.  My focus has been on finishing my course and recording my artistic journey over at Hearts Landscapes.  I started at the local Curves gym just prior to Christmas and was really enjoying it until I fell ill with another bout of the mosquito borne disease that floats around my body. Sneaky thing.  I've been really wiped out and in pain for about 6 weeks so haven't been to the gym for about the last 4 weeks. I'm not up to going back but am going to start doing some light yoga and and walking for 15minutes to see how I go. My weight has stayed reasonably stable although I'm up a few kilos on my lowest weight last year.  So, thank you to Fleur for inspiring me to get back to recording my progress.  Let's hope I have something good to write about.

Couch to 5k update

Hmmm, sore knees put an end to my C25K last week but I intend to get back into it again next week.  On the activity front I've been super busy around the house and garden. Today I managed to get in 14 567 steps or 8.29kms without leaving my yard.  I'm doing resistance work in the form of digging, weeding, carting tubs of garden waste, throwing or kicking balls for the dogs, raking etc.  I'm feeling pretty good and my body is coping well with all the activity. I'm careful to mix up the types of movement I'm doing to try and prevent aches and pains.  For the first time in years gardening isn't leaving me in quite horrible and often debilitating pain.  Woohooo!!  I'm so happy, excited and grateful for the health I have at present. I am so close to good health I can sniff it!

I made a big decision last week and cancelled my Weight Watchers subscription.  My weight loss has been so slow that I'm finding it hard to continue justifying the $50 per month fee.  I have been losing slowly whether I count propoints or not (have experimented) so have decided to take a break. I can rejoin if I even feel the need to but I can still count points if I want as I have all the books, knowledge, trackers etc.  I feel good about the decision, actually I feel relieved and interestingly have found it easier to eat well since cancelling. 

So, where do I go from here? 

I'm going to keep moving each day much as I am now. I either work in the house and garden and count my daily steps or I hit the treadmill, cycle or walking path for intentional exercise.  I also do some yoga most days.  I started yoga ....wow, 19 years ago. I was living in a remote community in far north Queensland's Cape York and my yoga teacher was an elderly French woman who had done her training in India many years previously.  Her classroom was a cement brick room in the rainforest, fully screened to keep the mossies out.  Now, my yoga practice relies heavily on the use of some wonderful DVD's I have by Louise Wiggins.  Her approach to yoga is lovely and the variety of her sequences  throughout her DVD's is really great.  Some are similar to Thai Chi and Chi Kung, others are more 'pure yoga' sequences.  Love them and love Louise.  I haven't been back to the pool due to ahem... a togs malfunction - pants fall down. Oops. Being winter togs are very hard to find so I'll wait until they hit the shops again and get back into it.  By then our pool here at home should be warm enough to use too.

As for my eating, I'm going to stop stressing about points (but use the knowledge they've given me about the cost of some foods). It feels rather unnatural to me.  I'm going to focus on planning my meals and eating instinctively and mindfully and see where that takes me over the next couple of months. I shall keep weighing myself regularly and if I start to move up the scale I'll kick my butt or head back to Weight Watchers.

All in all my life it in a pretty good place at the moment. I feel happier, stronger and more relaxed than I have in a long time.  I feel engaged in life outside the home as I've had the energy to go out to movies, to eat out etc with Jeff. I also LOVE my weekly art classes which are giving me so much.  Socialising with the other fantastic students. I am part of such a lovely group of people, it's really special.  I'm loving the 'doing' of art and am redeveloping so much confidence as I unfurl my talent to work with the skills I'm learning. I feel like my life is richer and has more of a purpose now other than just surviving and focussing everything within me on getting through my day and healing.  I'll keep you posted.

Wishing you all well.

Couch to 5k day 3

Wow!  I've completed week one of the couch to 5k. (Only 8 weeks to go.)  I don't really know how to feel about it....surprised, celebratory, relieved, shocked.  Really can't gather my thoughts and put a finger on exactly what I am feeling.  I procrastinated for 24 hours before getting on the treadmill for day 3 and although I stretched, my feet and shins still hurt a little. Not as much as last time though which is good.  I still struggled with the 1 minute run sections. Mentally and physically.  I can see improvement there definitely though as I recovered much, much better between running segments. I think I'm in for more character building than muscle building, fat stripping on this journey from couch to 5k.  As soon as I finished my little inner voice said "Wow! Done! Now next week I have to run for 90seconds each time. I'll NEVER be able to do that."  Such a seductive and convincing voice.  A week ago I would have said that I'd NEVER be able to run for one minute let alone complete a whole session which include 4 x1mins of running, then backed up and did it 2 more times.  So I'll have to keep this in mind next week when my self-doubt and lack of confidence start screaming at me again.  How much do we stop ourselves from doing in life because we listen to that voice?


Edited to add:  It's almost an hour and a half since I got off the treadmill and wrote the above post and I'm feeling really good.  Body feels ok and mood and general feeling of wellbeing have lifted to a lovely level.  I'll keep hoping the runners high hits me during the run instead of 90 minutes later!

Couch to 5k day 2

My body coped really well after my first Couch to 5k session.  No pain - my legs did feel a little 'used', but not sore. I experienced no fatigue either so that's a BIG relief and a big 'YES' to continuing.  So after a brief half hour of procrastination I got my butt on the treadmill and got to it. My feet and lower legs really stiffened up and felt sore during the run so I think I'll do some stretching prior to my warm up. The session looks like this....

• Warm up walk 5 mins (I do this at about 4.5km and speed it up closer to minute 6)
• Jog 1 minute (I'm doing my jogging/shuffling at 6km per hour)
• Walk 90 seconds (I'm doing 2 minutes between 4.7km and 5.2km)
• Jog 1 minute
• Walk 2 mins
• Jog 1 minute
• Walk 2 mins
• Jog 1 minute
• Cool down walk 5 minutes 

So I effectively run for 4 minutes all up.  Before becoming ill I used to have a lovely fluid running style and now I notice that I am doing that odd shuffle that you sometimes see runners do.  I can't seem to make myself run any differently and it feels odd.  I know, I know. I've just started. Just look at what I've overcome to get here. Give it time etc.

Am I enjoying it? Not really. :)  I feel good when I've done it - more mentally than physically. I've battled mental demons - who screamed and yelled at me yesterday - and it always feels good to overcome those nasty little voices in your head.  "I can't. I don't want to. Only do half a workout etc" Became "No choice. Just do it. You CAN do this. Only x seconds to go before you walk again. Good girl. etc"  I even woke this morning thinking about going for it again, but I'll follow the programme properly and walk today then get back to the jogging tomorrow.  I'm starting to feel a small glimmer of excitement that it may be possible for me to write here one day soon "I've just run my first 5k".  Putting the cart before the horse but I have to have something to dream of and aim for!  Stay well everybody and keep taking those little steps daily to improve your health and your life.

I did something crazy today...

I started doing the Couch to 5k running programme. It's something I've wanted to do for a very long time but my health has definitely held me back. I'm feeling stronger and the moment so decided to give it a whirl.  My intention is to complete the programme - I will however listen to my body and if it says that it's not coping and heading backwards then I'll kick back or stop.  My body and health come first before my willfull determination to achieve wonderful feats of fitness.  I've been so very busy with my art and then keeping up with everyday life that I've been restless to move. My walks just didn't seem enough anymore so I figured that was another reason to give it a go. 

I'm doing my version of the C5k on the treadmill.  There are a few reasons for this. I thought it would involve less impact on my joints than the hard surface of the path outdoors. (No sore knees after my first run so all good so far with joint impact.) It is much easier to track times and distances when they are right there on the screen in front of me.  The treadmill is 3 rooms away from Jeff's office and has an emergency pull thingy so if I get into trouble help is very close by. I think I'd feel a bit self-conscious running with all my wobbly bits out in public so this is a more emotionally safe place to start.  Let's hope my body can keep up with the grand visions of health and fitness in my mind....   :)

A change is as good as a holiday

My trusty little feet took me on an adventure today....  After weight watchers (where I lost 300grams), I headed to the pool that I mentioned in my previous post. 

Out came my trusty goggles and cap. I'm sure they were quite excited to be liberated from my linen closet and finally out having fun and getting WET.  Then I dove in and got moving. Only for 15 minutes mind, but it was a start and I so enjoyed it. I managed 6 laps = 300m. The pool was very quiet and I was the only one in the 50m. There were some cherubs having a lesson in the 25m pool at the other end of the building but I was left undisturbed.

Here it the pool building in all it's glory! Not very well lit and my camera really overemphasised the dimness but oh glorious to be in the pool and not be thinking about the sun.  Splendid, splendid day.  I will definitely be going back. Swimming gets my heart rate up in a way that walking just doesn't. I'd have to jog to get similar cardio results and I don't want to consider jogging until I've lost at least another 10kgs. I felt fantastic for the first hour or so after being in the pool. Now, 3 hours later I am starting to get quite sore across the shoulders and in my back. No doubt my muscles are in shock at the new use I put them to.

Sitting on my bum

Although I've been doing between 10000 and 14000 steps per day I seem to be spending a HUGE amount of time sitting on my bum doing this and this.  Drinking far too much tea too.....  Goal for the week is to make sure I get out for my walk every day. If it rains I'll use a brolly or get on the treadmill.

Today, while out at an appointment, I decided to pop in and check out an aquatic centre that was on my way home. It was AMAZING. I love swimming but have done very little since developing a number of skin cancers, including melanoma.  This centre has a fully covered and enclosed  50m pool and a 25m pool.  Warm in winter and SHADED all year round!  The only catch is it's about 40kms away which is really only half an hours drive but that's far enough to be unrealistic or a reason not to go some days.  I'm down near the pool once per week so am considering going on the day that I'm close by anyway.  Hmmm, will have to see if my togs still fit....I suspect not.

I hope you enjoy having a peek at what's been keeping  me sitting on my bum for hours on end...

What's on the menu

Since coming home from hospital I've lost 2.2kgs and I think I have menu planning to thank for it. In part anyway.  Out menu or meals for last week can be found here if you are interested.  I simply do up six or seven meals and have the ingredients on hand from the beginning of the week. I then make the meals each night from the menu plan that suit our needs and preferences . 

Below you'll see the baked dill salmon, smashed potato and mixed steamed veggies that we had for a main recently.  The meal looks large but the plate is quite small, entree size really.The potato is a chat (baby) so that may give you some idea as to size.  When I was making this I was feeling quite hungry and decided that it wouldn't be enough so I made a dessert that I'd seen in my Weight Watchers cookbook.

 I present to you these beautiful spiced apples.  This dessert was light, delicious and very easy to make. Brilliantly it was worth only 2 propoints too!!  Take one apple per person and cut into 3 width ways (I didn't core).  You end up with rings as you see.  I then juiced 2 oranges from my tree and into this juice I stirred a shake of nutmeg and 2 teaspoons of dark brown sugar.  I arrange the apple slices in a single layer in a lasagne dish and poured the juice mix over them.  Bake this in the oven on 180'C for around 20 minutes or until the apple is tender but not mushy.  I served these sprinkled with cinnamon, a few pistachios and some greek yoghurt. Try it, it's a winner.

Life doesn't always turn out like you plan.....

Today I set off for my first walk since leaving hospital.  Taking advantage of the warm sunshine, I set out just after lunch and strolled down to the creek.  I coped ok on the way there but struggled quite a bit on the return 500m. My lung (the one that I had the pneumonia in) burned quite badly on the way back and I started to cough quite a bit.  I arrived home tired and clammy but happy that I'd taken the first step back towards daily exercise and wellbeing. While my focus at present is on improving my health, I am keeping my weight and weight loss in mind.  My losing continues to be very slow but I'm pleased to say that I'm down another kilo.

When I started my focus on weight loss and wellbeing a year ago I never could have imagined that my journey would have been so S.L.O.W.  I understood that my health would be a long term journey but I really expected to have lost weight far more quickly and that I'd be happily at goal now.  I rather suspect that if I knew that my weight loss journey would be this glacially slow I would have given up before I started. As it is, I set my foot on this path 12 months ago and although the journey has not turned out as I had imagined, I find myself with no interest in giving up.  While experiencing moments of disappointment with my progress and the increasing complexity of my medical situation I find myself happy to have lost almost 10kgs and to have mainly kept this off. Prior to my pneumonia I was extremely pleased with the progress I had made with my daily walk, having found a new route I enjoyed and being able to successfully walk for 35 minutes or more each day without crashing back into fatigue.  This was a HUGE improvement on what I had been physically able to achieve for many years and I know I'll get back to this walk as my body heals.  Maybe I'm like a diamond and am simply taking a long time to form.... :)

Missing in Action

My journey to wellbeing has been nothing if not interesting.  It reminds me of a muddled ball of yarn where finding your way requires bobbing up and down, twisting, turning, retracing your steps and sitting in perplexed confusion over the whole thing before you. I am currently in hospital with pneumonia. I've now been here 4 days and was ill for a few days before. For some reason I am quite shocked to find myself in this position.  Pneumonia wasn't even on my radar I suppose.  How can I be sick again? Oh well, I'm in the right place to deal with it and am receiving excellent medical care and feel very relaxed and comfortable here which has to help.

Don't know when I'll next have much to post as I am not often on the computer here in hospital and really don't feel particularly inspired to say much.  Will get back to it once I get well and home.  On a positive note, I now know I'm allergic to penicillin......

Thank you to Stacia for posting this series of wonderful YouTube videos on weight loss on her blog. They were done by the BBC and well worth sharing so I've decided to include them over here in Belladonna's Garden.  It's also an easy way for me to rewatch them! :) I hope that you can take the time to watch them and that they are of interest and use to you.

Progress

I've been struggling with motivation and focus, as you well know, and today I came upon these two pictures. Not the greatest collage assembly but it gives me a look. On the right I am attending a friends wedding in 2007. I am at my heaviest. The photo on the left was taken earlier this year and for once I can actually SEE that I have actually lost weight. I also think about how I felt in these two photos. In the photo at right I felt awful. I had a very poor level of wellbeing, was suffering from really bad fatigue and I was in pain all the time. Everything was a monumental effort and it took me months to recover from going to this wedding. Looking at the photo at left I see someone who is out being active, has thinned down and although I still struggle with the same medical conditions, my general wellbeing is MUCH improved. I needed to see this. It shows me how easy it is to really lose sight of what we've achieved and how we've progressed particularly when it doesn't fit in with the expectations we have or the pictures in our head of 'what should be.'  My progress may be slow but it is happening.

What's on my plate

I keep forgetting to record what I'm eating.  I started this blog as a way of keeping track of my journey and keep forgetting to include my food intake and a more detailed account of my exercise.  I want to be able to look back on it as a resource, a place where I can see what worked, what didn't, when I struggled, what I found easy.  Anyway, the above is my lunch which consisted of a small amount of chicken breast in cajun seasoning, lettuce, tomato and my homemade mango salsa, all in a wholemeal wrap and washed down with a small banana smoothie. The smoothie was made with 1/2 banana, skim milk and a dollop of greek yoghurt.  Yummo!

In the interests of being backwards (and not being bothered fiddling with the order of my images), here is what went on for breakfast.... I had steel cut oats - seen on right in the following image.  Basically it is the form the oats take before Uncle Toby's and other companies get their hands on them and process them until they look like the more common oats in the bowl at left.  I tried the steel cut after reading that they were higher in fibre, beneficial oils and had greater health benefits than 'regular' oats.  I quite like them although they take longer to cook.  I soak them overnight in water with a bit of keffir in it and then cook it on the stove when I'm ready for it the next morning. The steel cut oats have a nuttier taste and are not as fluffy as regular oats once cooked. 

I eat the oats with about a tablespoon of maple syrup (or maple flavoured syrup in this case), about 4 nuts cut up - usually walnuts or pecans. They provide good essential oils and extra protein to the meal. I then lightly sprinkle with cinnamon.  No, I've not forgotten milk. I eat it without and it's fine.

My weight is still coming off oh-so-slowly, at a rate that matches my thyroid and my motivation I suppose.  I've been really happy with how I've been exercising daily and eating well 90% of the time with NO MOTIVATION. None, zip, nada.  I've tried to have the mind set that I eat well and exercise daily simply because that's what I do. I'm not making good food choices, using healthy eating habits and exercising because I want to lose weight, because I'm dieting or any other reason other than the fact that this is the standard of behaviour I've set for myself.  I want these behaviours to be habits like cleaning my teeth - it's just what I do regardless of whether or not I'm motivated or happy or have the energy. I do the Nike and JUST DO IT.  This is how I thought and lived my life pre-illness and I've sort of been back in that zone these past few weeks. I've stopped focussing on Weight Watchers points, what I should be doing, overthinking and have just got in and taken action.  I'm not deluding myself into thinking that I've suddenly mastered all of my problems but if I can continue like this and string successful days, weeks and months together I really feel like I'll be heading back into familiar territory.  Territory where I existed as a healthy, fit, active person with healthy eating habits and control over my weight.  It's been a long time since I lived in that place but at least I can now see it in the distance again.

I think I'm coping much better and being more consistent because my thyroid medication is 'right' at present.  I've been on my new dosage for about 4 weeks now and I'm actually feeling rather well. Finger's crossed I continue to chuff along feeling so good and DON'T spin into hyperthyroidism again (as I usually do when medicated with thyroxine).  If I can maintain this level of wellbeing I really feel that I can make some significant steps towards reclaiming much of the lifestyle I was forced to leave behind 12 years ago (God has it been that long?), not to mention the aspects of myself  such as my vibrancy and bubbly nature which faded to nothingness during this time. They'll be friends well met when I am reunited with them again.

Breathing

Breathing is a good thing and something I find that I'm rather quite fond of.  Why this sudden revelation?  Because I stopped breathing last night in my sleep. It was a super nasty experience and I'd rather not go there again. I woke gasping, fuzzy headed and a bit befuddled.  My hope had been that the weight I've lost would have helped my sleep apnoea but it seems not. I had rolled onto my back and obviously just forgot to breathe.  I was then scared to go back to sleep.  Horrible and an incentive to keep my eye on the goal of losing. 

To further disturb my sleep I had an onset of restless legs which soon replace my fear of not breathing with a bit of  a cranky pants mood.  I've not had trouble with restless legs for quite a long time now and am wondering if it is a result of all the walking that I've done this week.  As a child I would always have restless legs after heavy gymnastics or other sporting/active sessions.  I remember telling my Mum that it felt like I had maggots in my legs. Pretty gross but that's a pretty good discription for the unceasing, disturbing sensation that you experience.

Maybe I should have called this blog post 'bitching' instead of 'breathing'.....

I've Come a LOOOONG Way..... Counting Steps

I recently purchased  this lovely new pedometer watch. I was sick of my regular pedometer making suicidal leaps towards the toilet or unclipping itself and swinging crazily from my waist band.  I also wear dresses on a semi regular basis and you can't wear a pedometer at your waist with a dress.  So far I'm really happy with how this nifty little device is performing. It's easy to use, never attempts to swim in the loo, never falls off, gets knocked etc.  My particular pedometer watch is a Techo40 Accelerometer purchased at the wonderful Walking With Attitude.

At the height of my illness 1000 steps was an absolute push for me and would result in heart palpitations, exhaustion and sometimes would see me semi-bed ridden for days on end.  When I recall that, I realise just how far I've come, and my frustration with what I still can't do fades.  This week I am averaging 11 500 steps a day with the need for only one afternoon sleep. Generally I feel quite well so that is BRILLIANT.  My steps consist of incidental movement throughout the day and an intentional walk each afternoon. Due to the smelly demise, (gag) of a poor carpet snake on my usual walk I've discovered, with the help of a dear neighbour (thanks Di), a lovely new and longer walk.  I head in the opposite direction to the gag inducing carpet snake, past the very vocal 'guard dogs' down the road and cut through a little easement into a new estate where once grew macadamias and pineapples.  It's a lovely walk away from cars, in semi bushland yet with enough houses and activity for personal safety. Yesterday I passed kangaroos feeding in the lovely shade of a park and regretted not bringing my camera.  This is the little easement into the new estate.  I love it through here, it's always so cool and quiet.

My goal for the next week is to keep tracking my steps and work towards consistently achieving 10 000 steps per day.  My long term goal is to work up to 15 000 steps per day and I think that will be achievable for me.  My biggest goal is to NOT get overexcited by my progress and overdo it  - who me? Never!!

I'll let you know how I go!  If anyone does use walking as their main form of exercise and is looking for ways to keep it interesting I can highly recommend Walking With Attitude as a source to investigate. They have fun virtual walking programmes including programmes for increasing your fitness etc.  I get no kickbacks from them, I've just used their site in the past and quite enjoyed it for a change.

More later...

Riding along...

We've had very little sunshine and few days without rain of late, it's made exercising out and about more difficult and far less appealing. Suffering from a bad case of cabin fever we headed out between showers recently to enjoy a companionable cycle together along the coast.  Our sea and sky is usually clear and wonderful shades of blues and greens but we are becoming more used to gray skies and darker gray waters.  Rather like those I've often seen in the UK and Pacific North-West of the US. Anyhooo, we rode up and over the headland along a cycle track and although I puffed and wheezed I made it without stopping and getting off which is great. Jeff of course was very at ease on the bike and struggled not  a bit.  We rode down the other side of the headland - weeeeeee - and came to the Mooloolaba rock wall. It was very busy with people taking advantage of the dry spells between showers. Halfway back along the wall we came across the fellow in the photo at bottom right. A carpet python.  I was surprised to see him there as I don't equate carpet snakes and the beach. There was heavy bush on the other side of the path so he was probably just out for a spot of warmth after all the cool rain. That or he'd taken up fishing.

Starting Over

I've been sitting here trying to work out where to start.... Do I start with the breast cancer scare? The bacterial infection in my lymph sytem? The rain and flooding? The weight loss? The weight gain? The happy days? The sad days? The crazy thyroid that is staring termination by radiotherapy in the face? Trying to sort all of that out in my head I've decided that I don't really want to talk about any of it and think I'll just start over, fresh today.  Starting over feels so liberating. I'll let some of the past few months wash away like the flood waters we experienced.  This was our street corner during the floods. It was over 5 feet deep.

I've maintained my 10kg (22pound)  weight loss so far (although I've been up and down a couple of kilos continually).  My health at present is pretty good for me - I still need to manage my days and myself pretty closely in order to maintain this state but it is working so far. My long term goals remain the same - to continue to lose weight and to continue to take action to improve my health. For the next month I'm going to focus on regaining my balance, letting life settle back into some kind of sane and soothing routine. I'll work on moving more, and take some time to go over my food intake to see where I can make little improvements. Mainly I just want to catch my breath and get back into it. 

Hope all is well in your part of the world.